Before and After

The Before and After of taking my ‘Hot Mess to Cool Oasis’ Course – A course for busy overwhelmed people on how to bring more mindfulness into your life.

You know you’re a good person… So why do you keep feeling like such a hot mess?

I know if you’re reading this right now that you are a warm-hearted person (maybe of color yourself, or involved with people of color) who cares about your family, work and relationships. You’re dedicated to working hard, taking care of others, living with strong values.

You try to take care of yourself; you’re smart about health. You have some relationships that are important to you. You do some things that you really enjoy. You’ve had many successes in your life to get you where you are today – and probably several significant hardships along the way. You generally get along with people. You are committed to being the best person you can be, and helping others in your life to do the same. You’re not afraid to work hard, and love to learn…

But you are also overwhelmed and often feel weary, discouraged, wishing things could be easier. All too often you feel like a:

H urried & harried
O verwhelmed
T ired

M ad
E motional
S ad & scared
S truggling so.

Where the following statements describe you more than you would like:

THE HOT MESS BEFORE:

    • You have too many nights of interrupted sleep or lying awake worrying
    • You can’t stop worrying about a family member or a work project
    • You constantly feel overwhelmed and not sure where to start
    • You’ve had a few conflicts with your partner, kids, or coworkers, that stay on your mind and trouble you for a long time
    • You know you should take better care of yourself, but there’s so little time
    • You often de-prioritize your own needs and keep saying to yourself that you’ll get to them one day
    • You never feel good enough at any of your roles (parent, spouse, employee, daughter, friend)
    • You find yourself to be constantly distracted, rushing, or wasting time
    • You have lots of unpleasant feelings you’d rather not feel (loneliness, anger, boredom, sadness, dissatisfaction, anxiousness, criticalness)
    • You want to ignore the discomfort in your body, but end up worrying about your health
    • You can’t really relax and be still
    • You’re often plagued with the feeling that something is missing or you are inadequate
    • You keep repeating or getting stuck in repetitive worries, judgements, “what if” litanies
    • Your child, spouse, coworker has a mini meltdown and you explode in reaction, and then feel miserable about the way you made it worse…

…”Yup, that pretty well describes me.” You say to yourself, and you feel bad about your situation; and the worst part is that you feel bad about YOU…

But there’s a glimmer of self-respect and wish to help yourself, that arises, and you notice you’ve been receiving these emails about mindfulness. It occurs to you that this is rather timely and maybe there’s something here for you that you could actually benefit from. You are inspired to give it a try. You check it out further and sign up for the online course “Hot Mess to Cool Oasis”.

Six weeks later, these statements now describe you:

THE COOL OASIS AFTER:

      • You still are busy, with lots of important things on your plate
      • You are sleeping better or have learned some gentle ways to guide yourself back to sleep. You feel more rested, and able to face your busy days.
      • You have discovered ways to be concerned about your family member, or work project without being overwhelmed by your own feelings. You have learned some new ways to show your compassion without overwhelming cost to you.
      • Your full life hasn’t totally changed, but how you feel about it and relate to it has shifted.
      • You feel less overwhelmed and more able to know where to begin, when you employ some of the mindfulness skills you’ve learned. You spend less time in conflict with yourself.
      • You approach potential conflicts with family members or coworkers with a deeper understanding of your own feelings, and of theirs, which potentially changes the direction or intensity of the argument or disagreement. You are better at letting go of something disturbing.
      • You notice you are taking better care of yourself, which allows you to be more connected to others in your world. You’re feeling better about yourself. You have found that the time spent not taking care of yourself has decreased by virtue of the attention you’ve directed toward self-care.
      • In doing so, you notice it’s a little easier to truly consider your own needs and you become a better friend to yourself. “One day” becomes today.
      • You realize you’re being less critical toward yourself, and you’ve actually come to value yourself more. You feel a bit of freedom and sense of being out from under the tyranny of your own expectations and judgements. Life feels a little kinder. You’ve surprised yourself and noticed that you’ve actually been thinking about your positive qualities.
      • You have found out how to build some moments of pause into your life, and as a result feel a little more productive. You pay better attention to what’s important.
      • You have become more friendly toward and more accepting about your uncomfortable, undesired feelings. You see things like loneliness, sadness, anger, to be more like experiences you’re curious about, rather than wishing them away or doing whatever you can to avoid them. You’re more comfortable with your full range of feelings – even the unpleasant ones. You feel better in your own skin.
      • You listen better to what your body is telling you and respond in a healthier way. You feel a little more energy.
      • You notice you have been able to slow down, and have actually appreciated stillness or silence. You find more moments are available for this throughout your day. You realize you have been noticing many things you never noticed before. And the world feels a little brighter.
      • Your own sense of inadequacy or deficit is not the first thing on your mind or in your heart every day. Or if it is, you don’t hold on to that feeling for so long. You feel as if you have opened that window around your heart and let some fresh air into that space, surrounding your heart with kindness.
      • You notice you are thinking differently and not ruminating or holding onto the same old things for so long. You’ve created some clear space in your mind.
      • You have had a handful of experiences where the meltdowns of other people around you don’t automatically lead to your meltdown. You have noticed your sense of calm listening as your child, spouse, coworker might have carried on, but you’ve not lost your cool.  You have found that those tough moments have passed and you’ve gotten to the other side and you’ve been able to see good in your loved one again – prompting you to say “oh, there you are!” to the other – and to yourself….(“oh, here I am!”)

You feel some peace in your heart to recognize you have created a:

C ompassionate
O pen hearted
O utwardly at peace
L  iving more fully

O bserving
A ccepting
S ensing
I  nner peace
S elf compassionate

Space for yourself. You congratulate yourself for making such a good decision and feel confident you can carry forth a practice of mindfulness in your still busy, but sweeter life.

If you’re interested to see about creating your own personal OASIS, please check out the ‘Hot Mess to Cool Oasis‘ Course here.

Don’t miss the FREE WEBINAR, ‘Where to Start When You Feel Overwhelmed’ with Simple But Effective Mindfulness Skills for Busy Warm Hearted Folks, coming up October 20th. Register here.

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