Couples who are mindful together, stay together.
Couples often ask me what is the key to getting along better. Many who are in distress plead with me to help them get beyond their arguments and to recover some sense of peace again. Partners who are early in their committed relationships wonder how to create a long lasting healthy relationship. Many couples ask for assistance to create a different marital relationship in front of their children, than what they experienced growing up, at home with their parents. They genuinely don’t want to hurt their kids the same way they felt they were hurt by their parents. I work with people from different socio-cultural-economic backgrounds, who struggle to find common ground, a familiar way of relating or a shared language. And even when couples aren’t from different backgrounds, they often experience the elusiveness of shared understanding and constantly seek a way to reconnect.
I believe the best way to really build deep meaningful connections in an intimate relationship is to develop the skill to be able to have a conversation – a conversation that is mutually respectful and that makes room for each person to honestly express what they feel, and room to have the courage to listen to what their partners say – even when they don’t like it.
This type of conversation is not easy to have, but everyone can develop the skills to be able to learn how to do it. And each person can experience a better relationship when they do so.
The core of this type of conversation is mindfulness – ideally present in both parties; but even if one person can be mindfully present, the direction of the conversation can be shifted. Mindful conversations involve being as present as possible to the moment; and bringing yourself back every time you notice you’ve wandered. Oh yeah – and without judgment (toward yourself or toward your partner).
These mindful conversations are not reserved for only the painful and difficult times, and in fact should be practiced frequently in any dialogue you have with your partner. Of course, the more you practice outside of times of true conflict, the more skilled you will beat guiding your discussions down a gentler path when things are really upsetting.
Want to learn more about how to have conversations that improve your connection with your partner? Read next week’s blog post: Part II ” Mindful Couples Stay Together”. Remember, listening with mindfulness is as important as speaking with mindfulness.
If you are curious about how to have “More Calm and Less Overwhelm inYour Busy Life”, click here to sign up for my free Mindfulness E-course. You’ll receive a nine part series right into your inbox that includes lessons about how you can effectively bring more mindfulness into your daily life. You don’t want to miss this.