What’s love got to do with it?
It’s not easy to get the love we want. And often, when we don’t get that love that we want, we get angry or resentful and then it can be quite hard to even give the love we want to share.
Generally, though, our relationships fare better when we can be proactive about that love that we want. Make sure we’re giving it as much as we hope to get it. Really listening. Prioritizing our partner. Taking responsibility for our feelings and actions.
Here are five simple but at the same time, difficult things to do that will help give a boost to the level of love felt in your relationship…
Five tips to divorce-proofing your marriage:
- Be curious rather than furious (ie: “Help me understand more what got to you?” rather than “You jerk – you always overreact!”)
- Try an empathetic statement before disagreeing (ie: “I see how upsetting this is to you.”, rather than “You shouldn’t be angry.”)
- Choose what you focus on – give more appreciations and recognitions for what they do that’s right, rather than criticisms for all they do that’s wrong. (Did you know that excess criticism can be a predictor of divorce?)
- Listen in a way that invites talking (i.e.: learn to breathe and hold steady when you hear something that makes you uncomfortable). And talk in a way that invites listening (own your own feelings; don’t blame, lecture, over-analyze, shut down, etc.)
- Consider honestly what you might be doing to bring tension or unhappiness into your relationship, and spend more time focusing on changing that rather than trying to change your partner.
Plus, a gem of a perspective to keep in mind:
It’s perfectly OK that you each have different desires, interests, feelings, wishes, viewpoints, rhythms, mindsets. Managing those differences with kindness is what allows for greater intimacy and happier marriages.
***And if you’d like to learn more about how to have more love in your relationships, please read this prior blog post: Your Soulmate is Closer than You Think.
If you or someone you care about is struggling with finding or keeping the love in your life, please contact me for a therapy appointment.